Hey Stacy thanks for caring. I just needed to express a very deep painful sorrow I felt in my heart again last night. I can't stop thinking and trying to connect to her. Even when she hates me and wishes I was dead. When it's just more pain. I know I have to forget. Harder when she is right here at my fingertips. Refusing to want to know I exist. It's hard when I will never know what others take for granted. It's the one thing I would need to be happy and it's impossible. I have such a gigantic hole in my heart. That will never be healed right. I feel so much sorrow and pain sometimes. I just need to express it. I try to connect with others who could understand. I hopes of finding someone who truly does. Who is not too afraid to express it to me. Even though I know it's just more impossibility. I can only hope and try to find a therapist who can help. But probably just more impossibility. Don't worry so much. I have been dealing with it so long I'm an expert. I can feel it and express it and live to repeat it again till I die by God's hands and not mine. I think maybe when I read another's sorrow, like this kid going back to prison, I can help. In turn it will help me.