Crashing

Limitless steps into the emptiness
I find it hard
I find it endless

Why bother to extend towards nothingness
You offer naught
You offer pain

If everywhere I turn becomes a brick wall
I smash my skull and bruise my soul

The attention I seek eludes my sight
Do I ask too much
Do I try too hard

You know the feeling
You know the symptom

And you still blindly inflict it upon me
You still encourage the torture in my mind

Ignoring the obvious, you speak not
Compounding the impervious thickness of your gall
You want not

I offer, you refuse
I give, you reject

The glass splinters
And I crash.

10/25/10

==================================


What...

What if I were happy
What if the sun shown down on me,
blinding my eyes and obliterating all shadow

I became a rainbow
Colorful and true
Providing joy and wishes too all

If I could live this, happiness
If I could touch this sublime existence
Would it be enough?

With the brightness of the strokes of color
Would it be enough?

The day does not last forever
I would have to face the darkness

The sun would fail me, the shadows would form
The rainbow would fade and I would be alone.

The moon would fill the sky, now black and speckless
And I would still be alone.

Everything is temporary
Every thought is fleeting and soon forgotten
Everyone is a liar

Wanting something from you
You can never get back

Taking friendship from you
On it’s one sided track

So, I ask you
What if I were happy?

Blindingly, giddy, silly with joy

What would be the purpose.

10/25/10

===========================

He said...

He said, you need some happiness in your life.
You need good things
I don’t mind your afflictions, I can handle that
I always wanted to come to Jersey

So, we still like similar things
You still excite me
I’ve told you this...

Together might be nice...

BITCH! Dream on...
Rave on....
Consider the past...

It always falls apart
It always falls short
You will ALWAYS be alone.

Men lie...
Stuck in their own existence
They lie...

They pump you full of semen
Roll over and lay.

Pointless endeavor
Needless injuries to body and mind

Heed me
Understand me
Listen to me when I scream

There is no shame in being alone
Spinster, bachelor, childless drone

I’m far too old for a future
I missed out on a life

No one seems to understand, all that could be offered
Never came my way

I have never touched the sky
Uselessly mucking around in the mud

They don’t get it
And I refuse to explain anymore.

10/25/10